Author: Andy Uyboco

Today is Friday the 13th.

That date doesn’t have as much impact as it did decades ago. I was around 7 years old when the first Friday the 13th movie came out and scared everyone out of their wits. I never saw any of the movies, only some trailers but they were enough to keep me away.

It didn’t help that one day, I saw my older sister watching a horror flick (I forgot what the title was — maybe Poltergeist), and there was this guy in an old house running from something. He was on the second floor and he tried escaping through a window. It was one of those big windows that opened up and down. He had gotten half of his body through the window when it suddenly slammed shut on his waist and continued pressing down until the poor screaming guy was cut in half. His upper body fell to the ground below where it continued to writhe in its death throes.

I would have nightmares of that scene many times after that.

I had a lot of fears as a child and the fear of the supernatural was one of them. Oh I’ve heard about demons in church but seeing on them enacted on TV was just horrifying. It didn’t help that my Sunday School teacher assured us that the devil and evil spirits were real.

That was my entry point into the world of superstition. My classmates would talk about Friday the 13th, both the movie, and the actual superstition — saying that we weren’t supposed to do anything risky on that day, which was a double-whammy because 13 was an unlucky number, and Jesus died on a Friday. So if you went swimming, for example, you risked drowning. If you climbed a tree, you risked falling. And if you got wounded, the bleeding wouldn’t stop, and so on and so forth.

From there, I heard about Filipino superstitions, like we weren’t supposed to pee on trees that surrounded the large fields of our schools, unless we said, “tabi-tabi po” (“excuse me” or “pardon me”). Otherwise the angry duwende (dwarves) living in that tree would afflict us with a scorching fever. We were supposed to hang cloves of garlic around the house to keep away the aswang — a mythical shapeshifting monster commonly used to scare children into obedience. “You better finish your food. You better behave, or the aswang will come and get you while you’re sleeping.”

The Chinese culture also has a lot of superstitious beliefs mostly coming from feng shui or geomancy. I was shielded from most of those because my father (a rare breed among Chinese) didn’t believe any of that stuff, claiming that his belief in Jesus Christ superseded all of those. I would learn of these superstitions later on and would marvel that many businessmen would pay huge sums to geomancers to give them advice on how to build or remodel their houses, offices, or stores in order to bring in more luck. I remember noticing a house in our old neighborhood one day because the gate and the roof were suddenly painted a garish red and there were 4 golden 8’s attached to the gatepost. My dad chuckled as we drove by and explained to me that was a product of feng shui.

I’m sure those brought a lot of luck (and cash) for the geomancer.

People take their beliefs very seriously. I know someone who won’t go into business with someone else whose Chinese zodiac sign clashes with his own. There are people who won’t open a store or live in a new house unless it has been blessed by a clergyman of whatever religion they profess. Taxi drivers touch the rosaries hanging from their rearview mirrors and mutter a prayer when they pass by a church.

These same people laugh at others’ superstition but would get deeply offended when you call their own beliefs as such. I know because I did too.

It took me a while to shed off my beliefs, like old tattered clothes. Now I have discarded most of them.

Friday the 13th? Bring it on.

 

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

A fellow teacher posted this story and I thought it was too good not to share:

A third grade boy had won a medal as the best reader in class. Puffed with pride, he boasted to the maid at home, “Let’s see if you can read as well as I can, Nora.” The good woman took the book, looked at it closely, and finally stammered, “Why, Billy, I don’t know how to read.”

Proud as a peacock, the little fellow ran into the living room and fairly shouted to his father, “Dad, Nora doesn’t know how to read and I – only eight years old – got a medal for reading. I wonder how she feels; looking at a book she cannot read.”

Without a word, his father went over to the bookshelf, took down a volume, and handed it to the boy, saying, “She feels like this.”

The book was in Spanish and Billy could not read a line of it. The boy never forgot that lesson. Whenever he feels like boasting, he reminds himself, “Remember, you can’t read Spanish.”

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to speak about writing to a senior high class in the school where I used to teach. I was delighted to find out that I would be sharing the stage with a former student of mine, and now principal of the school, and also former columnist of Sunstar Davao — Ms. Jocy So-Yeung.

Jocy talked about her experience in high school, how I made them write stories and poems and made them feel like their ideas had worth. She carried this feeling of “Hey, I’m a good writer,” with her to college where she was promptly shot down by her teacher who told her to take a remedial class in basic English composition.

It was the first time I heard that story, and it was a humbling experience for me, that my top student whom I considered mature and talented beyond her years, would be asked to take a remedial class. For a while I felt like that boy who couldn’t read Spanish.

During the Q & A section, students asked us questions and at the tail end of it, I ventured a question of my own to my former student — because I was really curious — and I asked, “In light of what you said about your experience, would it have been more beneficial if I had been a stricter teacher in the mold of your college professor?”

She answered that what I did for them was also crucial, because at that stage in their lives, they felt like a “loser’s batch” — that they weren’t worth anything and that the teachers and administration were against them. To be fair, she said, I did criticize and correct their writing but more importantly I gave them a voice and made them feel that their opinions mattered. I smiled as I remembered their batch, how I poured everything on them with the enthusiasm of a first-year teacher, before realizing that I was probably expecting or asking too much of this rowdy bunch of 16-year olds. I wanted to think that I was the greatest teacher they have ever had or will ever have.

It’s good to have one’s ego deflated from time to time.

Like the boy who couldn’t read Spanish, I have to remind myself that I am just one in a long line of influencers in my former students lives. Some may think that I did wonders for them, while to others, my class was just another boring blip in their existence.

And that’s perfectly fine.

 

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

One of the most crucial lessons in leadership that many people miss is this: People do not follow you because you have the best ideas, or the most logical problem-solving skills. People follow you because they want to. Simple as that.

John Maxwell describes five levels of leadership in his book, Developing the Leader Within You. The first is Position – where one leads simply because he has the title or position. If you are a positional leader, people follow you because they have to.

The next level is Permission, where people follow because they want to. This happens when the leader has developed good relationships within the organization. At this stage, people do not simply follow you out of obligation. They actually like you. They feel they understand you as you understand them. They are actually giving you consent to lead them.

This second level of leadership is key because it paves the way to the higher levels. Without it, you will forever be stuck on the first level and will never achieve results beyond the barest minimum that your followers will give you. They will follow only out of compliance, never out of desire or sheer enthusiasm.

To understand why this is so, we must understand that decision-making is an emotional process, not a logical one. As much as we like to think we are rational creatures who make well-reasoned and logical decisions most of the time, the fact is that we really don’t. Look around your house and see how many things are there that you bought but don’t really need.

As someone once said, “We make decisions based on our emotions and afterwards use logic to justify those decisions.”

Research by Antonio Damasio confirms this theory. Damasio studied patients who had a specific kind of brain damage that prevented them from feeling emotions. Everything else about the person seemed normal. One would expect these people to make logical and reasonable decisions every time, like a real-life version of Mr. Spock from Star Trek. However, Damasio discovered that instead of that expected outcome, these people were unable to make very simple decisions such as what to wear or what to eat.

This led him to conclude that decisions are indeed linked strongly to one’s emotions rather than one’s logic. It is the same way when people choose their leaders.

Effective leaders understand that their first task is to be liked — a knowledge that is sometimes dangerous especially to abusive leaders, because once people like you, they will tend to defend you no matter what decisions you make. There is a maxim often quoted about this it is almost a cliche, but it is nonetheless true: Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

The key to getting people to follow you is by showing that you care about them, their lives, their families, their struggles, their hopes and their dreams. When you achieve this level of leadership, you can move on to the next, which is Production — getting your team to produce results that you want. At this stage, people follow you because of what you do for the organization. Then you move up to People Development — molding and grooming others into leadership positions, and here people follow you because of what you do for them.

Lao Tzu got it right when he wrote:

Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. Love them.

Start with what they know. Build with what they have.

But with the best leaders, when the work is done, the task accomplished,

the people will say “We have done this ourselves.”

 

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

In reaction to last week’s column, an acquaintance of mine, who is a harsh critic of the president, wrote to me saying:

I am interested to know why you still support Duterte up to this point even if he wants CHR defunded (which just happened earlier, along with other 2 agencies)? Even his rhetoric is murderous? etc… I am really curious as to why a seemingly smart, educated, rational, and ethical person like you still supports Digong.

Just to be clear about context, the person seemed to ask this with sincerity to understand, not simply for the sake of argument or confrontation. Before I answer the main question, let me address two assumptions in these statements that hinder productive dialogue between supporters and critics.

The first assumption is found in the phrase, “why you still support Duterte up to this point even if he wants CHR defunded.”

The original text stating my continued support came out over 3 weeks ago and the follow-up articles I wrote were in reference to those. Why would you assume that support continues “up to this point” when I have made no statements regarding the current situation? In fact, I saw the question only a few minutes after I glanced at some headlines about what congress did to CHR.

Is there now this expectation that I give my opinion on social media on whatever bit of news comes out, in order to judge my support or non-support? In fact, there seems to be an expectation that I sound off every now and then about politics, otherwise I am “silent.” Is that not a tad unrealistic, not to mention unfair? Life is not social media, and there are other venues of expression after all, with some even more productive.

The second assumption is found in the second sentence and while seeming innocent is actually a veiled insult, as if the only people who would support Digong are not smart, not educated, and are neither rational or ethical. This is similar to the mistaken generalizations of some atheists that religious people are unintelligent and irrational, which is far from the case. 96% of Davao City voters supported the president last elections. Are you implying then, that 96% of Davao City voters are irrational, stupid or unethical?

Anyway, moving forward and removing these assumptions, I would rephrase your question to the following: 1) Why DID I support the president? 2) Does he still have my continued support?

The first question has actually been answered in a few articles I have written previously. To summarize, we in Davao have felt Digong’s leadership most intimately, and despite his mouth, he has shown himself to be a loving, caring father to the city. Unlike most politicians, he neither demands nor expects special treatment. I personally know at least three people whom he himself has rescued from dangerous situations — two of them kidnap-for-ransom and the other was a hostage situation by a drug-crazed person. This is apart from less sensational stories swapped around by family and friends. In other words, the person whom you know only through his TV appearances and media stories, is someone who is more real to us. He is a friend’s ninong. He is my former teacher’s neighbor. He is my cousin’s schoolmate, and so on and so forth.

Now you may roll eyes at this, and dismiss it as another person has dismissed the stories as merely being “idol worship” similar to Cavitenos love for the Revillas or Ilocos’ love for the Marcoses, and perhaps there is some truth to that but it is what it is and that would be my honest answer to #1 — that we supported him because we know him, or think we know him better than anyone else not from here (I am of course speaking for those who share similar experiences and viewpoints as mine — not necessarily for those who are expressing blind support but do not share similar experiences).

Let’s now go to #2, does he still have my continued support? I look at the question of support not simply as a black or white question. It’s as if I have an internal scale that is ever-changing depending on how the president is acting or reacting to certain issues, so while the support may be at 80% at a certain time, it can also drop down to 60% at other times.

I had hoped for the best in electing Digong as president. I thought that he would mostly reign in his tongue and not make grossly careless statements. I thought that he would show swift and just actions towards erring policemen instead of seemingly coddling them.  I had hoped that his love affair with the Marcoses would end once he got the body buried. I believed that was merely an election strategy and now it seems I believed wrong.

One of my longtime readers emailed me saying, “Isn’t it beginning to look as if the role of President Duterte is the same as that played by John the Baptist over two thousand years ago – to prepare the way for the Coming of Bongbong, the Son of the Father?” And it tragically does indeed seem that way.

I had hoped he would fight for those he appointed that seemed to be performing well — Gina Lopez, Judy Taguiwalo — and not throw them under the bus.

I had hoped that he would show his best side — a side witnessed by so many people I know — but to my eyes at least, it seems that I am chalking up more and more X’es rather than checks.

Does he still have my support? Perhaps. Maybe. Barely. I don’t know.

Again, that answer may not satisfy you, but it is what it is for now. Ask me again after some time, perhaps there will be more clarity then.

Originally published in Sunstar Davao.

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.