Author: Andy Uyboco

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Valentine Crush

Photo Credit: Caro Spark via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Caro Spark via Compfight cc

Perhaps it was Kate’s new hairstyle, or the jade-colored bead bracelet he had never noticed before, wrapped around her smooth, skinny arm — whatever it was, something about her caught Sami’s attention that day. It was Valentine’s Day and he knew he was in love.

The first person he told was his mom who ruffled his hair, and kissed his forehead. “It’s just a crush, my boy,” she said. “You’ll change and meet many other girls, I’m sure. You’re only 10 years old after all.”

Sami looked up at his mom with his big, round eyes and said, “No, mom. I won’t. She’s the one.”

His mom just shook her head and smiled.

Sami was extremely shy. He stuttered when he talked and was often teased by his classmates, which led him to become even more shy. He would rarely talk to people, except for one or two friends (who were equally shunned by the rest of the class because of their shyness). This drove Sami crazy. Every day, he would wake up thinking, “I’m going to talk to her, I’m going to talk to her,” and when he got to class he would stare at her back from where he sat 3 seats behind her, imagining how he would start a conversation with her. Would he take the direct approach? Would he bump her accidentally? Would he ask to copy the homework, pretending that he forgot to take it down before the next teacher erased it? Each scenario would play out in his mind until the last bell rang. Kate would pack up her things into her blue bag and Sami would watch her saunter out the door, kicking himself inside for being such a wimp.

The days came and went. They both grew a little older, were now in high school. By this time, Sami knew who Kate’s best friends were — skinny Adeline and pimply Jane. He knew her favorite hangout was at the bench just outside the cafeteria. He knew that she liked soft-rock music, that she hated anything with onions, and that she had a crush on Ronnie, who was in the school soccer team.

He still had not talked to her.

They were now in their senior year. Sami had learned many more things about Kate, not the least was the fact that she was already dating Ronnie for a few months.

It was Valentine’s Day again, which also happened to be the birthday of one of their classmates whose family owned a posh restaurant. He invited the whole class for his last high school birthday party and they all went.

The party was loud and lively. Dance music blared through giant speakers as the carefree teens swayed to the beat, while others ate and drank and laughed.

Sami never liked loud music. After a while of sitting quietly in a corner, sipping his cola, he decided to step outside for a while to clear his head. He had barely stepped out of the large double doors when he saw Kate a few feet away, pushing Ronnie and yelling, “I don’t care what your excuse is. I saw you kiss her. We’re through.”

Ronnie tried to grab her arm but Kate batted it away and said, “Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me or I’ll scream.”

Ronnie glared at her for a few seconds, then shrugged and walked out  to the street.

Kate turned and saw Sami staring. She wiped her eyes and said, “I’m sorry you had to see that. You’re Sam, right?”

Sami nodded, “Uh, y-y-yeah. B-b-but my friends call me Sami.”

Kate smiled, “Yes, Super Silent Stuttering Shy-boy Sami,” using the nickname many of his classmates teased him with.

Sami turned his head and looked down at his shoes.

Kate went to a nearby bench and sat down. “You know Sami, I could really use a good listener right now. Are you good at listening?”

Sami could not believe his ears. He nodded slowly.

“Come walk with me then,” said Kate.

They walked together as Kate talked and poured out her heart. For some reason, she felt as if she had known Sami all her life. His presence felt comforting. She told him about how she fell for Ronnie when she was a freshman, how he had asked her out the first time, how they fought over inconsequential things, and how she had caught Ronnie kissing another girl that afternoon at school when they thought nobody was looking.

“Why would he do that to me? I thought he cared about me. I must be so boring and ugly that he really doesn’t want me anymore,” she said.

Sami had gradually started to loosen up as she talked. They had walked all the way to a deserted park. He stared briefly at the night sky and saw the winking lights of a plane in the distance. He realized that he now had the perfect opportunity and wasn’t going to waste it. “Y-y-y-you know, K-k-kate. I d-don’t think you’re b-b-boring at all. A-a-and you know wh-what? I th-th-think, I th-th-think, I th-think you’re the m-m-most b-b-beautiful girl in the world.”

Sami could feel his cheeks getting hot as he said this and he stared hard at his shoes, but he continued speaking, knowing that this was probably his only chance at releasing all those pent-up emotions seething inside him for so many years. “A-a-a-actually, K-k-kate, I’ve had a c-c-cr-crush on you ever s-s-since we were in fourth grade.”

Kate stared at him as he blurted out his confession, her right hand pressed at her chest. Then she said, “Sami, would you like a kiss?”

“Wh-wh-wh-what?” said Sami as his eyes darted back and forth and his breath caught in his throat.

“Sami, I’m sad and confused right now. But I do want someone to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything will be all right. I’m not thinking straight and I might change my mind soon. So do you want a kiss or not?” Kate said.

Sami did not need any more prompting. He pulled her in a tight embrace and kissed her. They closed their eyes as their lips met. Suddenly there was a loud roar in the heavens. It rang in their ears like a thousand drums beating in frenzied cadence. The roar grew louder and louder but they held each other tight and in that brief moment, those precious few seconds stripped away all the heartache and pain in their hearts and filled it with the joy of knowing that they were not alone, that there was another who cared. Time stopped and they were locked in the briefest moment of eternity. Then there was a sharp jolt of light and heat, a sharp pain, then nothing.

The headlines next day read, “Plane Crashes In Park, 57 Passengers And 2 Teenagers Killed.”

Andy Uyboco was not on the plane crash but he knows you wish he was. You may send him hate mail at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

 

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Doubt Is Beautiful

doubt-is-the-doorway

DOUBT is the doorway to investigation, to truth, and to discovery. It’s the fire that burns down that which we easily assume and forces us to appreciate our own inclination toward criticism and wonder.

Doubt is a willingness to say, “I’m not sure, but I want to find out!” – and that’s why doubt should be celebrated and encouraged rather than demonized and shoved in a closet.

Doubt is beautiful and a little scary but worth every moment because it drives us to know more and stop settling for less.

— Matt Oxley, www.ragingrev.com

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Mayor Do Thirty

Photo Credit: Keith Bacongco via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: Keith Bacongco via Compfight cc

Love him or hate him, but you certainly can’t ignore him.

Davao’s tough-talking mayor made the headlines again when he openly announced his willingness to kill alleged rice smuggler, Davidson Bangayan a.k.a. David Tan, if he catches him doing the dirty deed in our city. He made the announcement brazenly, in front of the Philippine Senate and every major news outlet in the country.

Social media was abuzz after that pronouncement. I would read comments praising him, calling him their idol, calling him to run for president, and so on. On the other hand I would also read comments calling him unsavory names, cursing him for encouraging a culture of lawlessness, violence and vigilantism. The Commission on Human Rights recently attacked his statement for tolerating and promoting impunity.

As a Davaoeño, I find myself smiling at the idolizers and avid fans. You don’t really know him that well. Your praises are exaggerated and no, I don’t think he would make a good president. That office requires a very different set of skills than our trash-talking mayor possesses.

On the other hand, I am also smiling at those who curse him and say that he’s as bad as say, Kim Jong Un, president of North Korea. Your fear and demonization of him is exaggerated as well.

We can theorize and philosophize over his statements and actions all day, mulling the possible effects and repurcussions, and never come to an agreement. But there is something that is very difficult to argue against: results. Duterte has been the mayor for most of my teenage and adult life. In that span of time, what can I observe about the city I live in?

In Davao, people follow the law (most of the time). I rarely see cars beating the red light (even police cars) or turning brazenly at an intersection where there is a big “No Left Turn” sign. I lived in Metro Manila for 10 years and police cars breaking traffic rules, even when there is clearly no emergency, is a common sight.

Even when the crazy thirty kilometer-per-hour speed limit or the 1AM liquor ban was imposed, people complained but followed nonetheless. Even Duterte’s daughter, former mayor Sara Duterte, did not resort to using her name or status, but gave up her license when she was apprehended for speeding.

I would like to disabuse non-Davaoeñoes of the notion that our mayor is a dictator who blatantly disregards due process. I’m sorry but that is just not an everyday reality in the city. The mayor is brash and talks trash but he does not go wantonly killing people left and right. Davao is not the killing fields in the clutches of a psychopathic tyrant, that so many want to paint. In fact, it was before he was mayor when NPA gunmen ran amok in the city and everyone cowered in fear. Duterte was the one who put a stop to that.

I actually feel safe in Davao. Of course, I don’t get too complacent either. We still have thefts and murders, after all, but I’m not as paranoid as I was when I used to live in Tondo, where I make sure to hide my watch (even if it’s just an inexpensive Timex) in my pocket when traversing the streets.

I do not recall ever seeing the mayor’s name emblazoned on government projects, ambulances, bridges, basketball courts and so on even as far back as 20 years ago when politicians made it a national pasttime to pollute our walls and streets with their faces.

A lot of what makes Davao stand out has been here for so long that locals already take it for granted — we are the first city in the Philippines to have an integrated emergency response team (yes, you can dial ‘911’ in Davao); we are the first city to ban smoking in public places; the first city to ban firecrackers, resulting in zero or near-zero injuries every year; we have won awards for being culture-friendly, child-friendly, clean and green, and of course being among the top most livable cities in Asia.

Do I think the mayor is perfect? Of course not. He has his faults and flaws and he’s getting old, but I cannot argue with his results. Even if I have to constantly watch my speedometer and do thirty for Duterte, he has made Davao safe, peaceful and liveable.

And for this, if nothing else, he has my thanks.

Originally published in Sunstar Davao.

Andy Uyboco is probably doing thirty while you’re reading this. You may leave a message at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

 

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Death and the Meaning of Life

Photo Credit: yuzu via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: yuzu via Compfight cc

I still remember finding her that morning: cold, still, and lifeless. Her eyes were open and her belly bloated. My dad said she probably died trying to give birth. I was in shock. I couldn’t believe it. Fluffy, whom I loved with all my 9-year old heart, was gone.

I went to school in a daze. I couldn’t focus. I thought of how she would come dashing towards me the moment I stepped out of the house and called her name; how she would scratch my pants and jump at me when I came home from school; how I would invent imaginary conversations between the two of us as we played and rolled on the floor, until my parents or one of my sisters spoiled the fun by telling me to go take a bath because I smelled like a dog already.

I went home from school and the reality of her absence hit me when there were no joyful barks to greet me. I went to my room and cried. I had crying spells for the entire week. I asked my dad if I would see her again in heaven but he said that animals don’t have souls and they don’t go to either heaven or hell. That made me very sad because I very much wanted to see Fluffy again. I scoured my Bible looking for a hint that perhaps there were animals in heaven after all, but I found none.

Nevertheless, I still believed that she was there waiting for me. One night, I dreamed of her floating amidst the clouds and I was there as well, and we were floating, playing, and chasing each other in white paradise. I woke up and felt content, sure that this was God’s way of telling me that despite what other people say, Fluffy was indeed in heaven and I would see her again someday. That calmed me and took away some of the grief, and I slept better after that.

Today I believe in neither heaven nor hell, but that experience of extreme sorrow gave me a glimpse of why people since time immemorial have invented different tales of the afterlife. Knowing that a loved one still exists somewhere, and is at peace and happy, has a soothing effect and takes away some of the sting of loss.

I have been to few funerals the past year and in all of them, the phrase “at least, he/she is now in a better place” inevitably crops up. That is how the faithful comfort each other and give each other hope to go on and continue living.

The unbeliever has no such source of comfort. At worst, death is the end, the cessation of chemical reactions in the brain that gives rise to one’s consciousness and self. At best, death is a mystery and if anything at all happens beyond it, we still have to find good evidence for it.

Some people have ventured to me that it is because of this hope in the afterlife that they cling to their faith, because the alternative is unpalatable. They think life is meaningless if it simply ends. I think that is mainly why people tenaciously cling to some belief in life after death — whether it be some sort of paradise, reincarnation, nirvana, and so on.

However, I cannot bring myself to think that just because of this uncertainty, then I must necessarily cling to a story that has no conclusive proof. Even the numerous testimonies of near death experiences have scientific explanations and usually involve images that reflect the religious traditions the person has been exposed to. In short, they are most likely hallucinations or dream-like visions created by the person’s own brain (but hey, don’t take my word for it — do go and do your own research on the matter).

We go back to the question of meaning. What is the meaning of life it simply ends?

I have come to look at it this way — that life has meaning precisely because it ends. Every good story has an ending. Can you imagine watching a movie that just goes on and on and on? That would be a meaningless story. And in the end, we are all stories whose meaning is intertwined with all those whom we share a connection.

Maybe we have grown so self-centered that we think our lives mean something only for ourselves. But no, our lives have meaning beyond ourselves, and when we are gone, it is the others who are still alive who step back and look at what we have accomplished, how we have touched them and made their own more beautiful. That their lives or the meaning we have created for them is temporary does not make it any less meaningful. Whoever said that meaning has to be eternal for it to be meaningful?

Death may be the next grand adventure — or it may not be. Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter for me. I have a family to love, friends to cherish and a weekly column to write. I have too much to do in this life to be worrying about the next one, if there is one at all.

Originally published in Sunstar Davao.

Andy Uyboco is currently busy playing in the clouds with Fluffy. You may leave a message at andy@freethinking.me.

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When Faith Becomes Fatal

Photo Credit: fabiogis50 +2000k Thank you!!!! via Compfight cc
Photo Credit: fabiogis50 +2000k Thank you!!!! via Compfight cc

Last week, I wrote about why faith is not a virtue and that generated some interesting discussions from people I know, both online and offline. Aside from the usual threats of hellfire and damnation (which is getting boring, really), I got some objections that I defined or understood “faith” wrongly, that life is basically uncertain and that we still need faith in some circumstances.

A certain Alfred Fajardo posted a comment on my blog and said:

Mr. Andy, I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and I often find good insights and new questions to ponder on from it. But for tonight, I hope you won’t mind a little dissonance as it hopefully will provide a new kind of resonance.

How about interpreting Jesus’ words of providing for us not as literal protection from natural and man made phenomena like failing a test or germs getting to us but rather as pointers to the natural, as figurative language? When he says he provides for the birds and trees, I see it as him talking about how they don’t “worry” the way humans do. How all these organisms, as they live and die, form the biogeochemical cycle which will sustain the earth until the earth itself is destroyed.

As a whole, perhaps faith is something transcendent beyond our daily worries, not faith in certainties, but faith in uncertainty, that at the end of it all, we’ll become a better race.

Thanks Alfred, I don’t mind dissonance (I seem to be creating a lot of it anyway). Yes, we can reinterpret the word “faith” as you suggested, just as people reinterpret the word “God” in different ways. However, I think you would agree with me that most people do not think that way. The common usage of the word “faith” in the Philippine context is not figurative but literal, just as the word “God” is synonymous to “Jesus” for around 80% of Filipinos. For brevity and quick comprehension, I chose to use those words in the way they are most commonly understood.

Like you, I am all for humanity becoming a better race. However, I would suggest a better word to express your desire — not “faith” in uncertainty, but “hope” that things will be better in the future.

Faith is not the same as hope although a lot of people tend to confuse the two. Faith is a false sense of certainty of something you have no idea about. Hope allows for uncertainty but wishes for the best. Faith makes people do irrational acts. Hope allows for more rationality, second-guessing, and planning for the worst even while expecting the best.

For the faithful who are unconvinced of how I define faith, let me point out how the Bible talks about it. Hebrews 11 is well-known as the Bible’s Who’s Who of faith. The chapter begins with the grandiose statement: “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Indeed, by faith our ancestors received approval.”

A popular Christian song echoes this sentiment with the lines, “to hear with my heart, to see with my soul; to be guided by a hand I cannot hold; to trust in a way that I cannot see, that’s what faith must be.”

Hebrews 11 then proceeds to commend certain individuals who “lived by faith” such as Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses and other Israelite heroes.Their stories involve hearing a command or receiving a vision from God, and acting on it even without proof or evidence of its reality, even if the act is absurd (building a huge boat on dry land) or downright abominable (killing one’s own son).

Those are not figurative but literal and concrete acts that seem to defy reason and the Bible upholds these actions as commendable and these characters as worthy examples to be emulated. How does that translate to modern times?

How about the story of Madeline Kara Neumann, age 11 (reported in ABC News last March 27, 2008)? When Madeline became severely sick, her parents didn’t take her to the doctor because they had faith that God would heal her through their prayers. She died soon thereafter and the parents were eventually convicted of reckless homicide. But these were not evil parents. I believe they loved their daughter with all their hearts and wanted her to get well. They were just following what their preacher preached: “We are not commanded in scripture to send people to the doctor but to meet their needs through prayer and faith.”

Or how about the story of Mark Randall Wolford, a pastor from West Virginia (reported in NBC News last May 30, 2012), who believed that in order to prove their faith, Christians should handle snakes, and he didn’t just talk the talk. He walked the talk as well and handled snakes himself. He died, unsurprisingly, from a snake bite. What is surprising is that he persisted in this belief even when as a teenager, he himself saw his father, also a pastor with the same snake-handling belief, die of a snake bite. But they were not insane, they were holding on, by faith, to what was proclaimed in Mark 16:17-18: “And these signs will follow those who believe: in My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay their hands on the sick, and they will recover.”

These are not isolated incidents. There are many similar stories such as these. The Huffington Post reports that “At least 303 children have died since 1975 after medical care was withheld on religious grounds.” That’s only the reported cases in the United States. How about those that go on in other countries?

However, whatever else you may say about these people, you cannot argue that they did not have faith. They did. In fact, they had more faith than most people. They had conviction to follow through on their beliefs. They were willing to put their lives and the lives of those they loved on the line, very much like Abraham or Noah. But their faith went unrewarded and proved both fatal and tragic in the end.

That is why I do not believe that faith is a valid way to look at or interpret truth or reality. Faith is pretense and false assurance. Nothing more.

Originally published in Sunstar Davao.

This article also appears in Filipino Freethinkers.

Andy Uyboco is the Meetup Director of Filipino Freethinkers Davao Chapter and is inviting Davao residents to join their next meetup on January 25, 2014 (Saturday) at 7:30 PM Cafe Demitasse, F. Torres St., Davao City. You may email him at andy@freethinking.me.