I wonder how much faster I could have found myself without the distraction of school work. Yes, I “learned” many things in school and have forgotten most of them. Mostly I learned acting. I learned how to act interested even if I was not. I learned how to act like I respected a teacher, even if I did not. I learned how to act obedient and compliant even though I was seething inside with rebellion.
But I had to act, because reputation, grades and the beloved honors were on the line.
College was interesting because I was now living alone in a faraway city — a new environment where people didn’t know my history, and I was unburdened by having to live up to who I thought people knew I was.
Halfway through my third year, I decided to shift majors. That was such a huge thing for me because ever since high school, when I had conversations with older people (mostly teachers) about college, shifting would always be talked about in some derogatory fashion. Like, don’t be like those kids who don’t have any direction.
Yet, here I was, daily coming to a blackboard full of equations (I was a physics major), and I was thinking more and more, “This is not going to be my life.”
I now had a choice to go into something I really loved — English literature, or something that I also liked with more practical applications — Computer Science.
Practicality won the day, but I also got what I wanted by auditing additional literature classes along the way. I’ve always thought how one-dimensional it was for college to be just about one major, when people could actually pursue 2 or 3 interests.
From there, I learned that one need not necessarily give up one thing in favor of another, but that it was possible to have both. I also learned how to adjust and adapt with change, how to deal with the fear that comes right before taking the plunge, and finding out it wasn’t really as bad as I thought it would be.
I guess a lot of those lessons have carried over in my life. I’ve changed jobs, businesses, friends, religions and life philosophies. How I dealt with those has been shaped, for the most part, by my early life experiences.
Which is why I now come back to the point I started with — that answering the question “Who am I?” is perhaps the most important question of our lives, and we ought to get started with it as early in life as possible. Many kids don’t get to grapple with that question. They are too burdened with schoolwork and meeting parents’ expectations.
To grapple with that question, they need a lot of space, a lot of time, and meaningful conversation with others in more or less the same phase of life.
Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.