Category: Essays

One of my readers, who calls himself Freethinker Rebuttal, posted this comment on my page:

Andy, you are “a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma”. I have been responding to your posts in a particular way because I was under the impression that you had a falling out with God and were trying to wrap your head around life. As I look at your latest postings, and, please correct me if I am wrong, it seems like you are no longer searching for truth. From the outside looking in on your life as posted through your articles, it really seems like you want to have a worldview that excludes any god, and you are bent on trying to skew things in a way that is belittling those that do believe in a god, specifically the God of the Bible that you got mad at.

If you seek a worldview, and start with the notion that there is no God, or, more specifically, no God of the Bible, then there is a chance that you will not come up with the right answer.

As far as your assessment of me, I can only assume one of several things. Your earlier claims of Christianity are unlike any I have seen. My views and beliefs are nothing like that. Or, you are intentionally distorting another truth, either to rile things up or because your views or so distorted. I like to find common interests or points of view with people, but that is taking things too far. Or you are trying to make a bigger point, saying “That burden is too much to bear for a lot of people.” Which is also incorrect. That may be the reason for some people, and we will never know this side of the grave how many, but, at this point, you cannot honestly believe that about me without having a few screws loose. I believe in God, the God of the Bible, because I cannot find one honest reason not to. I believe it is completely logical and consistent. I do not claim to know and understand everything completely, but I do see it as much better than anything else. I have also grown to know God and love Him from what i have seen from the Bible and from general revelation. Your arguments against it are nothing new, have been answered appropriately, and I could never conceive of anything better.

Your postings claim you will follow God if He winds up being who you want Him to be, or irrefutably proven beyond any doubt in your mind, yet you offer no explanation of what that would be. Christianity has proven to be more logically consistent than your worldview, yet you do not yield. Do you think it is time to admit that it is a matter of the heart and not the mind?

You can conceive of an atheist believing in God, but cannot conceive of a way to share this experience that drove you away from God without giving away other people who were involved? Or, do you think that it is too painful and you do not want to open old wounds? Or that it might be properly addressed and you might see an error in your thinking and have to admit that this crusade against God was wrong?

Here is my answer:

Oh no sir, I’m sorry but your problem is that you seem to think that your worldview is right and the only truth there is, despite your disclaimer that you do not claim to know everything completely.

The way you write your entire piece gives it away. Just because the direction I’m going is opposite yours leads you to conclude that I am “no longer searching for the truth.” Why? Because it’s not your version of truth? I recognize that you and many other Christians see the Bible as the truth, but that is not so for people of other religions or of no religion.

And this sentence says it all, “If you seek a worldview, and start with the notion that there is no God, or, more specifically, no God of the Bible, then there is a chance that you will not come up with the right answer.”

Wow. So in your mind, there already IS a “right” answer and no surprise here, it’s still YOUR version of the truth that’s “right.”

It is also not true that I am bent on having a worldview that excludes any god. I specifically wrote about this in A God I Can Believe In, and even the recent An Atheist Who Believes In God was another attempt to verbalize my ideas about god.

No, sir, I think it’s time for you to re-assess why it is you are responding the way you do. I am searching for the truth as best I can, no matter where it leads. Yes, it leads me to consider strange and absurd ideas at times, but that is what searching is all about.

It is not about staying in the comfortable confines of your own beliefs, but setting fire to them and seeing what kind of stuff they are really made of.

Let me leave you with a story that may either enlighten you or befuddle you more. It does not matter to me either way:

When the master lay on his deathbed, he called his disciple to his side.

“Take this notebook,” said the master. “It contains all that I have learned in this life. But only open it when I am already gone. May it serve you well.”

When the master finally died, the disciple was sad, but also excited to see what was inside the precious notebook. He hurried to his room, locked the door, and slowly, reverently opened the notebook.

That was when he discovered that the pages were all blank.

Originally published in Sunstar Davao.

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

I was back in the classroom the other day.

Technically, it wasn’t a classroom but an audio-visual room, but it was a familiar place. I held quite a number of lectures there back when I was teaching English to high school students. My former-student-now-pastor-and-teacher, Mark, had invited me to speak before a joint assembly of his 4 CE (Christian Education) classes.

So, imagine me in front of a gaggle of 11th grade students in a Christian Education class. What does this scene remind you of? Hint, it’s one of the oldest stories of mankind. Yes, it was like putting the snake in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve.

That was my role there that morning (and I told them so), to be the snake; to be the one injecting doubt and to prod them to ask questions. I told them about my own life, how I journeyed from faith and devotion to doubt and skepticism. Mark had told me that their next lesson would be about the reality of Jesus and why they ought to believe that Jesus was God. So I told them why I thought the Bible wasn’t inspired, and why I thought much of the stories about Jesus were legendary developments, and why it wasn’t such a far-fetched idea as apologists make it sound.

And then it was Q & A time, which started a bit slow, but as soon as it got going, the questions started flowing — so much so that we had 4 or 5 questions after the “last” question.

One of the more interesting questions I got was what had changed from my life before when I was a Christian to now, when I was not.

So I said that as a Christian, I was serious about my faith and I always desired to know God more and I wanted to know, “What is God’s will for me?” This question would drive me crazy because I would always ask it when faced with decisions and I could never manage to get a clear answer no matter how hard I prayed, read the Bible, or asked church leaders. I would always get mixed signals.

As a logical person, I would approach a decision with analysis and logical thinking. Now, suppose the logical decision would be A and the less logical choice would be B.

So of course, the easy choice would be A but now I have to ask what God’s will is, and if you know the Bible, you’ll know that God doesn’t always give you the easy way out. So I get to thinking “Ok, is this what God really wants? Is this the devil tempting me or is this God opening the door to what I should do? Is making the logical decision a decision to trust myself or to trust God?”

On the other hand, if I looked at choice B, I would think, “Ok, is this what God is trying to make me do because he wants me trust him instead of my own thinking? Is he challenging me to have faith in him? Or is he deliberately closing the door and telling me not to go down this road?”

I would do that for almost every decision in my life and it drove me nuts.

Of course, now, there is no such agonizing. Whatever looks most reasonable and logical and promising, that’s it. And if it turns out to be a mistake, well, it’s easier to bear as well and faster to correct. There’s no one to blame but me. There’s no wondering why I misread or misinterpreted God or if I somehow lacked faith and feel guilty about it and so on and so forth.

Does that mean I’m happier now? The student who asked that question wanted to know.

Yes, of course, I am happier now.

 

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

My Facebook feed is an interesting place. You can read about some of my friends who quote Bible verses and ask for prayers, and you can also see atheist posts questioning the sanity of grown-ups who still have imaginary friends. In the political arena, you can also see many posts praising the efforts of current president Rodrigo Duterte, and perhaps just as many posts tearing him down.

People ask me why I do not unfriend or unfollow those whose posts are strongly opposed to mine, to the point of offense, and I like to respond with this gem from Frank A. Clark, “We find comfort among those who agree with us — growth among those who don’t.”

To be fair though, a good number of posts contain sweeping generalizations, hateful and sarcastic remarks, faulty logic, or erroneous statements — from either side and those I can safely ignore. There are a few of my contacts though, who are not that way, and although I do not fully agree with what they say, I still listen and reflect on their words. We must never be so blinded by our own biases that we fail to truly consider or pre-judge what the other side has to say.

I recently came across such a piece by one of my contacts from Manila, Jorrel Vincent Valdez, and have obtained his permission to reprint his words in full and without commentary from me. As I told Jorrel, it is a piece that deserves to be read:

***

A friend and colleague of mine asked why I hate Duterte so much. Just to be clear, I categorically do NOT hate Duterte. I did not vote for him, yet I accept that he is still our President for the next six years. Contrary to what Duterturds (yes, THAT particular distinction has to be made) may think, I do not oppose Duterte out of spite since my preferred presidential candidate lost. So what drives my incessant criticism of his actions over the past few weeks? Why does it seem that I only count the misses and ignore the hits?

It’s simple. I HATE the effect Duterte’s brand of governance has on our people.

In their years under Duterte’s leadership, the people of Davao turned their city into a model of development and order that the rest of the nation looks up to. Yet sadly, under the few months of Duterte’s candidacy and presidency, supporters from all over the nation have instead turned into a vicious and hypocritical mob that bullies critics into silence. I can’t help but think that maybe, the rest of the Philippines outside Davao isn’t really ready for a Duterte presidency.

I hold on to the notion that a significant proportion of the 16M who voted for Duterte are decent, morally upright, and hardworking people who have merely grown increasingly frustrated with the ineptitude and lethargy of previous administrations. I cherish the thought that most of these Filipinos made their decision rationally, after weighing the pros and cons of each candidate. I want to believe that most voted for him to have a strong partner and advocate for genuine reform, a true servant leader.

But social media tells a different story.

I’ve always been skeptical of mainstream Filipino media – but not skeptical enough since I’ve admittedly been misled by inadequate news reports about the alleged DOH budget cut. By the way, I own up to that mistake, and hope that it serves as a lesson for vigilance to me. Fortunately, an alternative exists – social media. The great equalizer, the platform where all voices are heard, not just those of the powerful and educated.

Unsurprisingly, the story social media tells is horrifying.

Is it fair for me to criticize a leader for the actions of his supporters? I don’t know, is it fair for me to criticize Hitler for the wickedness of the Nazis? Is that comparison unfair? Deliberately or inadvertently, the government has channeled the pent-up hopelessness and despair of the long-suffering masses into something despicable. Instead of directing this collective pain into a genuine sense of civic responsibility, the leadership has allowed the formation of a blind, vindictive underclass of fanatics who view Duterte as their Messiah. Fundamentalists who believe that our President is a destined Great Leader, a god-king who can do no wrong, who celebrate in the death and destruction of alleged criminals without due process, who view human rights as impediments to the reign of their king.

Am I sowing division, by encouraging an “us versus them mentality”? Am I speaking from a position of privilege, by virtue of my education and profession? Maybe. I am not so blind as to discount that possibility. But I cannot stay silent while I witness more and more people turning a blind eye to the cost of this war, abandoning all their rationality and sensibility in exchange for a blind faith to a fallible leadership.

Six years ago, people elevated the son of Ninoy into something he’s not. And his mistakes cost us dearly. Yet here we are poised to do the same thing again. Have we learned nothing?

So yes, President Duterte. We give you leeway. We know that you are a product of your time, and it’s too late for you to move beyond your machismo and idiosyncrasies. We also know that you have the nation’s best interests at heart, and your sincerity shines through your ruthlessness. We also come to accept, painfully, begrudgingly, that your way of doing things is not the way of Justin Trudaeu or Lee Kuan Yew. But we reserve the right to remain critical. You need a genuine opposition, not the spineless sycophants you cowed into submission in the House. You must learn to respect your critics, not to throw tantrums when they dare to challenge you. Be the bigger man your followers already think you are. Set the example for your supporters to follow.

Your noisy and insufferable online critics will always be here, President Duterte. Supporting the good, calling out the bad, and doing our own small share in making this nation a better place. We intend to enjoy our hard-won freedom to be sarcastic dicks, unless of course you decide otherwise. Just like the guy you’re giving a hero’s burial.

Originally published in Sunstar Davao.

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

They say that Duterte has created a “culture of impunity” with his statements for police and even civilians to go after and kill criminals. They blame him for the recent spate of cardboard killings regardless of whether he actually ordered the hits, or if they were really “extrajudicial killings” in the first place. It doesn’t matter, they say, because his words have enabled people to think that murder is justifiable. Those who are riding the bandwagon can do so because he created the environment for them to do so.

Well, maybe so. But remember that his “shoot them” or “kill them” statements are always prefaced with “if they resist arrest or fight back.” Now you may argue that these words are just for show but I can counter-argue that that is merely your opinion. I mean, the instruction cannot be any clearer than that. I have several friends who own guns but I don’t see any of them going trigger-happy or rushing to buy rolls of duct tape or reams of cardboard.

But let me share my perspective on this so-called culture of impunity. I will not argue that there is none. On the contrary, I will argue that it has long been there.

I lived in Metro Manila for around 15 years of my life. These are some of my experiences there:

***

My then-girlfriend-now-wife made a U-turn on a street. A policeman came out from behind a tree and motioned for her to pull over. He said, “You can’t make a U-turn there.”

My wife then argued, “But there’s no sign that says you can’t make a U-turn.”

“Well,” said the policeman, “there’s no sign that says you’re allowed to make one either.”

***

I was driving along Sta. Mesa near SM Centerpoint. At the intersection of V. Mapa, I took the middle lane and went straight ahead. A bunch of policemen were waiting at the other side and motioned for me to stop.

“Sir, you went straight on a mandatory left-turn lane,” they said.

Say what? I have yet to see a traffic rule book that says the center lane is a mandatory left-turn lane and that one has to take the rightmost lane in order to go straight. This was clearly another attempt to fleece motorists of their money.

***

At one time, I was going to fetch a friend from the airport. Since I arrived quite early, I parked at one of the sidestreets to wait for the plane to arrive. A few minutes later, a couple of airport policemen drove by and got down. One of them approached me and asked me for my license saying I was parked at a no-parking zone. I said, “There’s no sign or marking here that says ‘No Parking.’” Then the guy walks over to his older companion, who then approaches me. I make the same objection, and he says, “No parking nga dito. Gago lang hindi alam na hindi pwede mag-parking dito.” (Only stupid people don’t know that you can’t park here). I was incensed and asked for his name, but he refused to give it to me.

Later on, after fetching my friend from the airport, I was still fuming mad so I went to the airport police station to report the incident. I got to talk to the police chief and told him my story. He said, well, that’s really a no-parking zone and I said, never mind about that if it is, but your officer treated me with disrespect.

Then I noticed that the guy was there at the other desk, his back turned, typing on a computer. So I told the chief and he confronted the man who took one look at me and said, “Oh him, he tried to bribe my partner with a P500 bill.” His companion suddenly appeared from an adjoining cubicle and chimed in, drowning my protests to the chief. My companion whispered to me and said, “Let’s go. We won’t get anywhere here. It seems they’re all in this together.”

So I told the chief as I went away, “You know, you think about this. Do you think I would have the gall to come here and complain to you if I had knowingly tried to bribe them?”

He mumbled something about reassigning the old guy to another department but I really didn’t care anymore.

***

You talk about a culture of impunity? How about policemen who disregard traffic lights? Who make left-turns in front of a huge no-left-turn sign? Who ride motorcycles without helmets? Who collect bribes and protection money? How about rich kids and influential people who can get away with almost anything because of their connections? How about government officials thinking of one scheme or the other to victimize innocent people? Laglag-bala anyone?

It was only when I came back to live in Davao when I saw the huge disparity between here and there. Here, I am not afraid of being stopped by policemen for trumped-up charges. Here, policemen follow traffic rules and they wear helmets. Here, even the mayor’s son or daughter was ticketed for breaking the speed limit. Even the mayor was ticketed for not wearing a helmet.

No, I do not agree with Duterte’s every move and action, but I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because of the results I see in my city, where law and order are more obviously followed than elsewhere in the country.

Duterte did not bring a culture of impunity. It has been there all along, but it has always favored the rich and powerful so they have kept quiet about it. Now that their cages are being rattled, they are feeling fear, perhaps for the very first time.

Originally published in Sunstar Davao.

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.

Click here to read part 1.

Last week, I discussed how the word “atheist” can mean different things to different people. It could refer to degrees of unbelief like strong or weak atheists. It could refer to one’s activity — like an anti-theist who actively promotes atheism and puts down theism, and so on. The point here being that someone calling himself an atheist may mean one thing while other people who hear the pronouncement may have another idea in their heads of what an atheist is.

The same can be said for the word “God” which can also mean different things for different people.

Many of the ancients believed in a pantheon of Gods. There was a God or Goddess for different kinds of phenomena or domain. Hence we read of a God of Thunder, a Goddess of Beauty, a Goddess of War, or a God of Death.

For Christians, Muslims, Jews or almost any monotheistic religion, God is the Creator, the Supreme Being. He is perfect, eternal, omnipresent and omniscient. They also believe that God intervenes in worldly affairs. Prayers can move him to act in certain ways, and he acts as the final judge and arbiter of one’s fate when one dies.

For some such as pantheists, God is not separate at all from creation but lives in and through every being. Everyone and everything is a different surface in the infinitely-faceted gem called God.

For others, God is simply a state of being, an attainment of perfection or what buddhists call Nirvana. It is as if a drop returns to the ocean or a part once again becoming whole.

Now I consider myself an atheist if God were defined according to the first two descriptions I outlined above. While I do not say that I am sure there is no God (of that sort), I live my life as if there were none. I do not depend on prayers. I recognize that bad things happen even to good people, and that’s just how life is. You work hard and strive hard, and sometimes you get lucky and win the jackpot of life.

I don’t believe there’s a guy up there keeping a scorecard or a record of your deeds, then giving you a pass or fail mark at the end of your life. Yes, with respect to that, you can call me an atheist.

However, of the latter definitions of God, I cannot really say anything against them. Perhaps because they render the point of belief moot. If I am a facet of God, what would it matter if I believed in God? And if God were a mystery, what is the point of striving to understand? The more important thing would be to live a life worth living, because, well, what else can you do?

I believe that if there were a God, then he, she or it would be a mystery too deep to be fathomed by our minds. Any attempts to describe or define him fall short. It is like using a thermometer to measure what shade of red a wall is. It is like trying to describe to someone what a rose smells like, or trying to describe what a green mango tastes like. Yes, it’s sour, but is it sour like vinegar? Nope. Is it sour like a lemon? Not that too. We simply do not have the proper instrument nor words to adequately express the experience.

So saying that I am an atheist who believes in God is a way of nudging the reader into looking past the obvious paradox and thinking about what the words really mean, to fight the initial impulse to consider it nonsense (although many still will do that), and to do your own reflection.

Some eastern mystics describe the dynamic between God and creation as dancer and dance. When you look at the dance, you are also looking at the dancer. They are forever intertwined. When the dancer stops, there is no dance to speak of.

I don’t know why but this is an image of God that I find endearing.

 

Originally published in Sunstar Davao.

Email me at andy@freethinking.me. View previous articles at www.freethinking.me.